i died a lil while ago.

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turn off the lights
and turn off the shyness
cause all of our moves
make up for the silence

the lies | the fake | the phonies |

please
attend
my funeral.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

i used to love her
la la la la
but i had to kill her
la la la la

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
5:36 PM

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
6:57 AM

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I don't like it when you talk about yourself ... u have a very different notion..much different than the one i have about you.. that doesn't mean that one of us should be wrong... not at all... i guess we are both right.
you've known yourself for long and i needn't dive deep inside to find a muffin (i ought to say a jewel but let's not exaggerate).
what do i think? u deserve better than what u r getting and i dunno what'll really help u to see the bright specks of ur character... & it kinda seems that u've had more than ur fair share with assholes but hey! what's life without some tragic spicy additions?
despite ur hectic schedule i still think that u do have the power to help me with that issue of mine and that u'd find time to do that..even if it was just through some words in an email...
i had a thought last night that i might have be pressuring u with this lately but u know that i have no1 to turn to coz i'm not planning to tell any1 abt it.
and as i always say: i'm not ashamed of what i've had and i'm not sad i have it no longer...God! i wish i had amnesia.

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
10:40 AM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I can not always prevent that glass from breaking or hold the (STOP!) sign for the heavy, thick and succeeding sighs lest they should suck all air of common breathing....can u??

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
7:46 AM

Monday, July 17, 2006

just when everything else fails, adopt that pose and feel free to cry

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
2:14 AM

Sunday, July 16, 2006

i'm sick and tired of yearning for a dead person's presence and that of another living person who just chose not to be available....i know people are not products and that i can't get what i want whenever i want it in relationships but again i'm tired of having to compromise my happiness by letting people have things go their way.
i'm fed up with double standards and unvoiced feelings.
i'm over and done with pretending that nothing needs to change.

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
2:13 AM

Saturday, July 15, 2006

*The thing I hate most is when I try to make a point and the listener either starts making wise cracks or just closes the subject...

*Stab my back ...it's always good when i bleed...

*In a secret garden where you grew your eyelashes to become so wide and beautiful, that's where I'd like to lay my head and get some pure rest, or simply pretend that I'm dead...

*It's okay.... I had Subway for lunch.

*A wise man said, better to burn out than to fade away. What about those who burn away? They never mention that part.

*The little choice that you think you have is nothing but an empty promise.

*When u died i should've cried and spared myself some pain .. You left me incomplete ...

*All the worst case scenarios always turn to be stupid and unneeded.

*Quick as a flash, smile because the camera is on you, it shines you on, like a liquid metaphor, perhaps we should get some booze, ease a pain that's distant like an echo but sharp as a knife. I need a vacation my friend, from you, from everything and from myself.

*I'm thirsty.. thirsty enough to drink fire..tricking myself to satisfaction.

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
4:30 AM

Friday, July 14, 2006

You Are Most Like John F. Kennedy

You live a fairy tale life that most people envy.And while you may have a few dark secrets, few people know them.

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
4:53 AM

5 things i don't expect to happen anytime soon:

1-to go skydiving.
2-to travel to Mexico.
3-to run a marathon.
4-to kiss a guy.
5-to stop waking up in the middle of the night breathing heavily,drenched all in sweat.

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
4:15 AM

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I too want to kick babies in the face, burn down buildings and push old people down stairs. I want to come to your house steal everything you own and make your life a living hell. I want to scream until the heavens turn blood red and the earth split open before me and swallow this piece of ***** world we live in.

miss u ebony.

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
4:24 AM

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I used to only wear men’s shirts ..and i secretly still love them.
I am not patient but I can be.
I like order but watching chaos from the OUTSIDE is fun.
I usually limit myself to 1 meal a day.
I like to be on time or a bit before.
I'm mentally doing good and physically. (happy thoughts).
I've walked barefoot, in the middle of summer, on boiling asphalt. (PAIN)
I joined the school's choir in 1st secondry to skip classes.
I have 15 syringe marks on my left arm.
I used to squeeze a lil dab of mustard in the palm of my hand a lick it ..like it was candy or something.
I can't watch a movie more than once ..even if I totally forget what it was about.
I want to take a ride in a hot air balloon.
I feel nauseous in airplanes.
I hate accessories, jewelleries and make up.
I love sour jellybeans.

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
4:19 AM

Sunday, July 02, 2006

*write down ur worries in a list and read them before going to bed. written stuff have an incredible power of convincing u that they actually worth some thinking.

*everything is nothing till its gone...then suddenly it becomes something...probably change succeeds merely in making things worse...resist it.

*u know the saying "it may never happen"? well its a lie, it'll happen and knowing ur luck it'll happen more than once..and when it does, u'll lose the innocence which says "it happens to other people"

*You know, when you come to think about it, Life is just a series of moving from day to day, from rush to rush, from disappointment to disappointment, knowing that all you know and hold dear will one day be taken from you, and dogs will pee on you and mimes will kick you in the ribs and steal all your stuff, and you'll be forced to become a human lab rat to survive, and they'll probably do something gross to you like remove your head and make you look at your own headless body, and then they'll reattach it just to freak you even more...

*I removed the duct tape from my severed limbs and thought it might just work out if i pretended to be lying down and dying.

*i'm vomiting candy.

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
8:46 PM

*don't u sometimes get too tired of thinking that u wish ur brain wouldn't function anymore?
i yearn for a dramatic change coz this phase has expanded more than it should.

*would u rather be happy or be right?
if u chose to be happy, an annoying, party pooper whisper would every so often suck the fun out of the air & if u chose to be right u'd be too wretched to be convinced u did the right thing after all.

*why are intentions always questioned and doubted? why do gestures have to be hinting at something? why do words have to have another hidden meaning?

* why is the truth always not good enough?

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
2:40 AM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

my skin feels too tight that i'm willing to peel it off so that my ribs would have enough space to protrude as much as they want...

even though i'm hell tired i can't sleep... the bed feels like a thorny rock...and nightmares just won't gimme a break...

i'm trembling, stumbling into things when i walk, stuttering when i talk....

i have to prove i'm okay every single day....i have to show mama that i don't need to take her offer and go see a shrink... i've been always known to be strong...it kinda means i have to be a perptual tower of strength..

i'm human and yet no1 has to know it...

i'd rather u tell me u wanna fix my make-up rather than fix what's going on..

________________________________

[bleedtodeath]
4:05 AM